I was frustrated because I didn’t know what I wanted. Desire is a funny thing because we don’t necessarily choose to want what it is we want. We just want it, for reasons that are subliminal even to ourselves. Not to say that we can’t change the things we want and learn to like things we haven’t before, but when it comes to the big stuff in life, I just have to go with my gut. Then the rest will fall into place.
I feel lucky to have the freedom to choose where I want to live for the next few years while I get interpreting experience to pass the certification test. I don’t feel tied to anywhere in particular. My friends are already scattered around the globe. Being near family is really attractive, but most of them are in Minnesota, and I simply can’t bear another winter there. The cold just gets to me now that I’m not out playing in it like I did as a kid. Plus, my family is small, and we always make it a point to see each other, and any excuse to travel is a good excuse.
My options are narrowed to North America where American Sign Language (ASL) is used. So I thought, what cities would I like to live in, given the chance, for a couple years?
It needs to be a major city because somewhere along the way, I became a city person. I love the feeling of being in a place where ideas and people converge, I’m challenged to deal with the raw issues in society I might otherwise avoid, and the rest of the world is at my finger tips via a nearby airport. It makes me feel free.
Besides, I’d prefer not have a car after my ’92 Toyota goes to car heaven, which more than likely isn’t that far off, and living without a car in America is only truly feasible in a city. Life is so much more peaceful for me without a car; I get really impatient in traffic. Walking, biking and mass transit make for a much more laid back way of life. And it’s more earth friendly.
That means a city with a good metro system. New York City? Boston? Being out east sounded like a lot of fun. Most of the states I haven’t seen yet are on the eastern seaboard, and I’d love the chance to live in a city with so much opportunity.
A lot of the ants in my pants worked their way out somewhere along the way on my round the world trip. While I still really want to travel, and I will, at least for this next stretch in life I really want to stay put and focus on what’s nearby. Getting involved in a community, having a group of friends close by, joining a local running club, having my own home, and doing what I love for work all sound really attractive to me.
Because of all that, going out east started to sound a little exhausting because I’d always feel the pressure to go out and discover new places and NYC especially is so expansive I might start to feel stuck amidst all the hustle and bustle. What about Seattle? Vancouver? I’ve lived in Seattle before and many of my favorite people are still there. But something in me just isn’t feeling it, for reasons I can’t really say.
There it is again: we don’t necessarily consciously choose our desires. But I think part of it is, I just really want to start this next stage in life somewhere new, a fresh start.
That leaves Vancouver. On my RTW trip, I liked most places I went, but only a few places felt like they could be home. When I was in Vancouver in May, I just loved the vibe. The mountains and the water are close enough to feel so refreshing, the city is a good size with plenty of opportunity, yet there’s a definite laid back atmosphere and international flair. Plus, there’s a skytrain! A few of my friends are here, and the ones in Seattle are a short train ride away. There’s a huge demand for doulas in the area, which is something I’d also really like to get started on. For all those reasons, and for the reasons I just feel intuitively, I’d like to try for Vancouver.
It’s a bit more complicated than moving somewhere in the States because I’m obviously not Canadian, so I’ll need to get a work permit somehow. I really don’t know how to go about it, so I’ll be making it up as I go.
At least I know what I want now. That I can work with. So here’s to going for it, even though it freaks me out at the same time with the process not being so clear, and feeling so rusty in my interpreting skills. But even if it doesn’t work out here in Vancouver, I’m confident that God will get me to the right place as I seek to do, together with Him, what I was created to do.
If I like where I live, have a job that I love, and feel at home, maybe I won’t be so antsy. I feel much anticipation of the good things that will happen in the midst of the uncertainty.
There is no adventure without risk. Anyway, to fall is not to fail; we fail when we don’t try. If I’m going to fall, it might as well be for something worth risking some bumps and bruises.